Since He Left

Since He Left

Shock made me tremble
From somewhere a voice whispered,
“You’ll see him again”
Over fifty years
stretched out as if eternity.

Since then, I’ve cried.
I cried the kind of cry
that chokes.
I’ve cried that deep, hopeless
cry because I couldn’t feel
his arms holding me.

I still cry that cry
When I can’t imagine
eternity. And my tears
are the waterfall that carries
my grief away
downstream.

God’s time has given me
A different cry
Now a soft sigh escapes
as his memory collects
drops of melancholy
in my eyes until
they pour over and warm my cheeks.

I smile, remembering
Daddy’s gentle soul
and pause to feel
his love I carry with me now.

Daddy’s gone to Heaven
In my mind, I see him
Sharing an ironic laugh
with God
at all our foolishness.

He’s watching me,
happy to see I’ve found a true love,
Proud, to see me living his lessons
Gratified I wasn’t ignoring him
all those frustrating years
when I knew everything.
Shocked to see me
actually listening to NPR.

Daddy is with God.
The rest of my journey back to him,
and Him,
Is not forever.

In the quiet moments
When the muddy water clears
I know.
I am healing,
slowly, I am healing.